I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
