dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
