she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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