he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
