Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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