so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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