My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's Friday. Sex?
She said her name was "party"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize