are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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