So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize