I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
