Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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