I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
