Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
