I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
