You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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