They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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