If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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