We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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