then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need to get me chipped asap
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
please don't ironically join a cult
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