Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
