Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The Olympian is in my bed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
false alarm, still single
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