My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
