I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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