I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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