its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
