it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
