I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
