I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
