we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
