LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize