i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
