Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
