We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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