The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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