I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
