Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize