Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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