he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit in the fireplace
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize