I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
