She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
