We're like a lot better than the average bears
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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