I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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