I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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