So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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