First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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