I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
