i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
