She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
