it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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