i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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