I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
