I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
