Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
