so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
