Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
