I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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