Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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