yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
