WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
