My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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