just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
