its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
