I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
