it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
