The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
