I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
