I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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