why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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