Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize