If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
