Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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