Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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