so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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