The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
