finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize