yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
