The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
