I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
