You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
