apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
