i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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