If i come over, it means nothing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
